


Escape

by Starofwinter



Category: The Umbrella Academy (TV)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Drug Use, Heavy Angst, M/M, Suicidal Thoughts, Suicide Attempt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-17
Updated: 2019-03-17
Packaged: 2019-11-23 06:10:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 596
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18148115
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Starofwinter/pseuds/Starofwinter
Summary: Klaus can't remember a time he hasn't wanted to escape.





	Escape

Until Dave, Klaus couldn't remember a time when he didn't, on some level, _want_ to die.  

It had started early - the urge to _not be here._  He'd wanted to escape, by any means he could.  Diego had found him once, all of eight years old, sitting in the attic window, his feet hanging over the side, just looking down at the courtyard below.  It hadn't been serious, he promised when Diego wrapped his arms around his waist and pulled him back inside. He'd felt a heart hammering against his own as they collapsed against the wooden floor, and the terrified look on Diego’s face had scared him into crying too.  

Late that night, with Diego sleeping with his arms wrapped around his waist - _just in case_ \- he wondered again whether it was far enough to fly.

He'd turned to drugs instead.  It hadn't been hard for a pretty teenage twink with a flirty smile to score something, and for a little while,  he knew what it felt like to be far, far away from everything that hurt or scared him. It was the blissful escape he'd always wanted.  When sobriety came crashing back, he knew he wanted to go away again.

So he did.  Over and over and over.

When Ben died, the drugs weren't enough to numb how much Klaus wanted to join him.  When Ben came back, Klaus cheerfully told him as much, just before popping a handful of pills and chasing them with as much booze as he could pour down his throat.  Considering how well he'd trained himself to hold his breath and ignore his gag reflex, he figured it should be enough to do the job.

Except it wasn't, and Ben had the same look on his face as Diego had years before when Klaus woke up in an empty hospital room.

Klaus lasted all of a week after rehab before he tried again - not to escape forever, but just to take the edge off.  It would work for now - it didn't stop the wanting, but at least he wouldn't have to see Ben’s worried face whenever he lingered a little too long at the edge of the water, or when he let someone rough him up again, hands wrapped around his throat tighter than they needed to be.

And then they were a _family_ again, thanks to the old rat bastard himself.  Trying to stop the end of the world. Klaus wasn't sure he cared, _but_ he wasn't enough of an asshole to think everyone else needed to die too, so he helped Five, took the brunt of everyone's sharp tongues and stress - what other good was he, really - and then-

 _And then._  Then he woke up in 1969, in Vietnam, and for a brief, glittering, beautiful moment in one of the ugliest wars in modern history, everything changed.  Dave was his escape. He was perfect, so perfect that Klaus was halfway sure he _had_ died, and this was the heaven he didn't think he'd earned.  Heaven was Dave’s arms wrapped around him in a shadowy corner of a bar, Dave’s lips on his, Dave’s body pressing him into the wall. When Dave died next to him, Klaus almost followed him.

Instead, he opened the case and came home. He faces the end of the world with the kind of peace he'd always expected, and he kisses the dog tags in his hand.

It's not how he expected to find his peace, but he's been ready for a very long time.  And hey, it isn't even his fault this way.


End file.
